the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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