She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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