I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
