clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
