Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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