Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
