Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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