So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You ruined the universe
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
