you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
