so that wasnt chicken after all
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
