Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I smell like Dick and happiness
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
