you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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