When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
