therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
