these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize