YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
