We named our party play list daddy issues
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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