i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
