why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
