my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
