At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
