okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
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