We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
