Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
