actually, I'm a sock model
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
