Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
This beer is not sobering me up at all
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
