I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
