I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
