Pants 0. Shit 1.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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