While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
