no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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