"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize