he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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