her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
