I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
