i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
