spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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