: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
