I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
