I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
