Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
