Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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