Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
