This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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