we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
