So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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