im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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