He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
