Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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