We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
