What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
