there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
