so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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