i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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