I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Randomize
