I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
