Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
