im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Is it penis luge time yet?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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