can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
