I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
