Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My liver is preforming stress tests.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
