PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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