My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
