if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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